Once upon a time there was a retarded beggar child with scurvy and leprosy, who was blind and deaf and had a terrible stutter. One day he was cursed by an evil witch, who turned him into a handsome prince with a slight above average sized penis — so handsome indeed, that everyone he met was instantly enchanted and charmed. Soon all he wanted was for anyone to recognize him as in dire need of help to do even the most basic things, like putting on clothes and feeding himself.

He would cry out: “He-he-he-he-heahelarph pelaaepleeeaapleeepleeassee” and everyone would laugh, slap him on the back and say “what a…