Dream Diary 2: Collapsing buildings
I have a recurring motif in my dreams. it’s been happening as long as I can remember. Being inside a tall, 10 floor at least, building — usually living there, either an apartment or a hotel room. And then the building collapses.
it’s related to sociality. the building collapsing is usually the conclusion to some kind of social anxiety or conflict that goes unresolved. an anxiety grows and grows, and in just the last second before I could no longer bear it, I’m distracted by the fact of my impending doom.
Tonight I dreamt about a girl I used to know, and moving into a shared apartment style living situation with a handful of people. I didn’t admit as much to myself at the time, but I broke up with my first girlfriend in large part because I liked this other girl better, and wanted to have a shot with her. Last I met her she was settling down with a guy. must be like 5 years ago now. She wasn’t unhappy. I could have made her happier than him. She was settling. Should have made my move all those years ago. I didn’t realise at the time that she also liked me, and liked me a lot. I didn’t know so much about these things then. I didn’t think it meant anything that she would do those things for me. She travelled 3 hours to stay with me out of nowhere, when I told her I’d broken up with my girlfriend. What a good friend, to come and support me like that.
I’ve been awake for a while now, made breakfast. The plot of it all has settled and obscured itself. The plot is kind of arbitrary — interchangeable. That’s what makes a good recurring motif. When I tell you about it, I can just take bits and pieces of other dreams, or, just speak honestly about the core emotional stuff it’s all a metaphor for, and it’ll all ring true in writing. It wasn’t the plot — but it might as well have been.
In the dream I’m moving in with her into this shared living situation with a bunch of other people, on the tenth floor of a apartment building. We’re not an item. When I think too hard about it, the building starts to collapse and we all die.
I’m terrified of heights. Not always in practise, but always in theory. I’m terrified of the concept of heights. I have flown here and there around the world, but…