The instructive fable of the weasel and the scorpion

Which you can drunkenly repeat half-remembered to impress some girl at a party with how sensitive and spiritual you are

Once upon a time there was a weasel that wanted to cross a river. As he prepared to get wet, he realised that he was completely not into it. The weasel spotted a scorpion who also wanted to cross the river, who asked the weasel to carry him on the top of his head.

The weasel, eyeing opportunity, asked the scorpion why they couldn’t do it the other way around. He didn't want to get wet. “I have fur and whatnot, you with your shell, water probably bounces off you like water on a ducks back or something.”

“You’re being silly,” the scorpion insisted. “You are ridiculously larger than me, there is literally only one way this can go you asshole”

“hey whoa relax dude no reason to be mad I’m actually just intellectually curious and honest. you know, the only reason I engage in this fight with you is actually as a sign of my respect because I think you're smart enough to actually talk to me”, the weasel said.

“What are you even talking about. Will you help me get across or not, I don’t have time for this”