We just want you to be happy

How to: Repair your relationship with your parents with this ONE EASY TRICK

All I want is for you to be happy, she says, again. You shouldn't feel bad, it’s okay to tell us these things. We just want you to be happy.

I'm not. I haven’t been in years. I don’t feel happy — at the best of times, what I feel is the null absence of malaise. I'm not happy. We've had this conversation every week for more than a decade.

The suffering from having me there will be greater than the suffering of missing me there, I say. She says no, of course not. That’s because you don’t know me, I say. You think you want me there — You want the me-as-you-want-me-to-be, to be there. You want your Son to be there. A capable adult, a reflection of the good work you have done in life. Proof.

You don’t want me there. I will embarrass you. I cannot take part in the games you and your friends play. I don’t enjoy them. I don’t value them. I was never taught to, and I had to make up my own kind of games.

When the other guests see me, they will think less of you. You have a broken son. A crazy person. He’s not having any fun. The humiliation of this is far greater than the mystery of why I'm not there — in fact, you would probably have to remind most of the guests that I was not there.

I want you to be happy, I say. But I can’t help you. And we are going to keep having this same conversation every week until you start…